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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Sound
Funny
Death
Someone
Would
Think
Thinking
Ukulele
Beating

More quotes by Dane Cook

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A lot of comics are kind of vampire types we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
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When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
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I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
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You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.
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I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
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Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.
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Text a guy you like right now, I'm thinking about you. If he says, mmm are you in bed? Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
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Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
Dane Cook