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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Sound
Funny
Death
Someone
Would
Think
Thinking
Ukulele
Beating

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I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
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Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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I'm a late-night guy.
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
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Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You're all by yourself, up there. And when you're in a film, on a set, it's a collaborative effort. It's about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination.
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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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