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Text a guy you like right now, I'm thinking about you. If he says, mmm are you in bed? Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
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Bed
Says
Guy
Speak
Right
Never
Moron
Thinking
Lifelong
More quotes by Dane Cook
You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.
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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
Dane Cook
I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
Dane Cook
I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance.
Dane Cook
You can't teach an old hater new truths.
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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I would love to have acidy spit.
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Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.
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I get so into the moment.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
Dane Cook
I live my life like there's no yesterday.
Dane Cook
It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
Dane Cook
I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
Dane Cook