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Text a guy you like right now, I'm thinking about you. If he says, mmm are you in bed? Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
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Bed
Says
Guy
Speak
Right
Never
Moron
Thinking
Lifelong
More quotes by Dane Cook
There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
Dane Cook
Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
Dane Cook
If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
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You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
Dane Cook
I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
Dane Cook
A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
Dane Cook
I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.
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I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
Dane Cook
When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
Dane Cook
I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
Dane Cook
You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
Dane Cook
Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
Dane Cook
