Quote

Text a guy you like right now, I'm thinking about you. If he says, mmm are you in bed? Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Guy
Speak
Right
Never
Moron
Thinking
Lifelong
Like
Text
Bed
Says

More quotes by Dane Cook

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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
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I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.
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When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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There's estrogen running through my veins!
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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
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Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.
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Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You're all by yourself, up there. And when you're in a film, on a set, it's a collaborative effort. It's about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination.
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
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I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
Dane Cook
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
Dane Cook
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
Dane Cook
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
Dane Cook
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I won't take no for a question.
Dane Cook