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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Racist
President
Black

More quotes by Dane Cook

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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
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I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
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I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
Dane Cook