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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Never
Drugs
Would
Alcohol
Hardest
Drug
Ever
Done
Even
Thing
Pepsi

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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
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It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
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I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
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It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
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