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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Today
Giving
Life

More quotes by Dane Cook

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On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
Dane Cook
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
Dane Cook
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
Dane Cook
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
Dane Cook
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Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
Dane Cook
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
Dane Cook
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
Dane Cook
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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
Dane Cook
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If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and be your own self.
Dane Cook
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I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.
Dane Cook
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If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
Dane Cook
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
Dane Cook
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
Dane Cook
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When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...
Dane Cook
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
Dane Cook
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I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
Dane Cook
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I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
Dane Cook
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
Dane Cook
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Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
Dane Cook
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I'm a late-night guy.
Dane Cook