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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Today
Giving
Life

More quotes by Dane Cook

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You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
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I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.
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You can't teach an old hater new truths.
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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Are there glass shards in my anus?!
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I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.
Dane Cook
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There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
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I get so into the moment.
Dane Cook
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A lot of comics are kind of vampire types we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.
Dane Cook