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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Definitely
Exes
Find
Giant
Come
Warning
Sometimes
Giants
Like
Date
Disclaimer
Routine
Disclaimers
Girlfriend
Girlfriends
Comedian
Comedians
More quotes by Dane Cook
I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
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Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it.
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
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You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
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When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
Dane Cook
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
Dane Cook
When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.
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I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
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It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
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I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
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There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
Dane Cook
Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
Dane Cook
Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
Dane Cook
