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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Definitely
Exes
Find
Giant
Come
Warning
Sometimes
Giants
Like
Date
Disclaimer
Routine
Disclaimers
Girlfriend
Girlfriends
Comedian
Comedians

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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
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When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
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I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
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I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
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When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
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I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.
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