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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
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English
Anything
Nothing
Enough
Even
Work
Muffin
Always
Muffins
Time
Lays
More quotes by Dane Cook
I'm a late-night guy.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...
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I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
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I won't take no for a question.
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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