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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Pieces
Puzzles
Comedy
Producer
Control
Producers
Actors
Director
Whole
Piece
Sometimes
Directors
Thing
Actor
Bouncer
Always
Writer
Puzzle

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You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
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Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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I would love to have acidy spit.
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Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You're all by yourself, up there. And when you're in a film, on a set, it's a collaborative effort. It's about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination.
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I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
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You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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