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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Actors
Director
Whole
Piece
Sometimes
Directors
Thing
Actor
Bouncer
Always
Writer
Puzzle
Pieces
Puzzles
Comedy
Producer
Control
Producers

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I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
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I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.
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I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
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You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
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There's estrogen running through my veins!
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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