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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Actually
Shows
Brittle
Hands
Spoon
Must
Spoons
Feeble
Feds
Excited
Stage

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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
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I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.
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There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
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A lot of comics are kind of vampire types we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.
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I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
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You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
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Are there glass shards in my anus?!
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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