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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Actually
Shows
Brittle
Hands
Spoon
Must
Spoons
Feeble
Feds
Excited
Stage
More quotes by Dane Cook
When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance.
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
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There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
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I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.
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My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
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It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
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I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
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Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it.
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
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If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and be your own self.
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I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.
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Are there glass shards in my anus?!
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