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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Must
Spoons
Feeble
Feds
Excited
Stage
Actually
Shows
Brittle
Hands
Spoon
More quotes by Dane Cook
You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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I won't take no for a question.
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.
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People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not all but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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Text a guy you like right now, I'm thinking about you. If he says, mmm are you in bed? Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
Dane Cook
