Quote

I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Funny
Crab
Crabs
Chased
Giant
Giants
Laughing
Audience

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When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.
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I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.
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I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.
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You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
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Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
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I would love to have acidy spit.
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You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it.
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.
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I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
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I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
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