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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Stories
Years
Year
Story
Everyone
Mother

More quotes by Dane Cook

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You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.
Dane Cook
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
Dane Cook
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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
Dane Cook
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
Dane Cook
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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
Dane Cook
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I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
Dane Cook
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
Dane Cook
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
Dane Cook
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
Dane Cook
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
Dane Cook
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
Dane Cook
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
Dane Cook
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
Dane Cook
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When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.
Dane Cook
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I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not all but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.
Dane Cook
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
Dane Cook
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
Dane Cook
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I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
Dane Cook
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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
Dane Cook
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It really drives me banana sangwich.
Dane Cook