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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Years
Year
Story
Everyone
Mother
Stories

More quotes by Dane Cook

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I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
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Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
Dane Cook
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You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
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I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
Dane Cook
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
Dane Cook
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
Dane Cook