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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Years
Year
Story
Everyone
Mother
Stories

More quotes by Dane Cook

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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
Dane Cook
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
Dane Cook
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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.
Dane Cook
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
Dane Cook
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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
Dane Cook
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I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
Dane Cook
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I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not all but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.
Dane Cook
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When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
Dane Cook
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
Dane Cook
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When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...
Dane Cook
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
Dane Cook
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I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
Dane Cook
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I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.
Dane Cook
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Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
Dane Cook
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My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
Dane Cook
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
Dane Cook