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I'm a late-night guy.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Late
Guy
Night

More quotes by Dane Cook

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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
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There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
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I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.
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There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
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I would love to have acidy spit.
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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?
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There's estrogen running through my veins!
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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I get so into the moment.
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
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If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it's still a negative. You're just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.
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