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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Single
Joy
Called
Time
Laundry
Love
Valentine
Celebrate
Lonely
Unless
More quotes by Dane Cook
I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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I'm a late-night guy.
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There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
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It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
Dane Cook
