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We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Shits
Painful
Cry
Gonna
Lying
Take

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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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It really drives me banana sangwich.
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You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
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There were times, earlier in my career, where I didn't have the wherewithal to self-edit, and I probably said things and pushed the limits to places where people might be put off. But that's truly part of developing as an artist.
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When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
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Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.
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I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
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When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.
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I won't take no for a question.
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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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