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We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Take
Shits
Painful
Cry
Gonna
Lying

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Text a guy you like right now, I'm thinking about you. If he says, mmm are you in bed? Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
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We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.
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I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance.
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I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
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When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.
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I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
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I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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