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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Bless
Lord

More quotes by Dane Cook

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I get so into the moment.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.
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Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
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I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.
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I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
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I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.
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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
Dane Cook