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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Married
Retarded
Everybody
Lawns
Bags
Fall
Falls
Love
Neighborhood
People
Committed
Lifetime
Tardiness
Fronts
Douches

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If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and be your own self.
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I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.
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You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.
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Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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A lot of comics are kind of vampire types we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.
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If my voice can resonate that way with kids, maybe it will resonate through 'Planes' as well, and they'll hear that little something that I'm giving to them, a performance that says to them, I want to try. It's all interconnected. I don't think it's thinking too deeply about it.
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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.
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You can't teach an old hater new truths.
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
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I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
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