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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Lifetime
Tardiness
Fronts
Douches
Married
Retarded
Everybody
Lawns
Fall
Bags
Love
Falls
People
Neighborhood
Committed

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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
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We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.
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I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
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I get so into the moment.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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