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I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Vegas
Telling
Saying
Everybody

More quotes by Dane Cook

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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
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Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it's still a negative. You're just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
Dane Cook
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My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
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Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
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I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.
Dane Cook
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On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
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I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
Dane Cook
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
Dane Cook
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You can't teach an old hater new truths.
Dane Cook