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I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Vegas
Telling
Saying
Everybody

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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
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There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
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When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
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I get so into the moment.
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I'm a late-night guy.
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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I won't take no for a question.
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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Are there glass shards in my anus?!
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It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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