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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Director
Directors
Writer
Comedy
Stand
Sometimes
Bouncer
Producer
Producers

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I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.
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There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
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There were times, earlier in my career, where I didn't have the wherewithal to self-edit, and I probably said things and pushed the limits to places where people might be put off. But that's truly part of developing as an artist.
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.
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I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.
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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
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You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
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Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
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I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.
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I won't take no for a question.
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