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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Norton
Williams
Laugh
Laughing
Make
Always

More quotes by Dane Cook

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Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
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My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
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I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
Dane Cook
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
Dane Cook
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
Dane Cook
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
Dane Cook
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
Dane Cook
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On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
Dane Cook
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
Dane Cook
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
Dane Cook
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
Dane Cook
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
Dane Cook
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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
Dane Cook
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
Dane Cook
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
Dane Cook