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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Lived
Comedy
Real
Even
Long
Anymore

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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
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I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
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I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.
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I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
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Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?
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It really drives me banana sangwich.
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You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
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When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
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I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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