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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Anymore
Lived
Comedy
Real
Even
Long

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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
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When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.
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My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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I would love to have acidy spit.
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Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
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I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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