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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Play
Pilot
Pilots
Camera
Shooting
Cameras
Based
Show
Shows

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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
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Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?
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Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
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It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
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It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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