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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Cameras
Based
Show
Shows
Pilot
Play
Pilots
Camera
Shooting

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I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
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You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.
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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
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You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.
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I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You're all by yourself, up there. And when you're in a film, on a set, it's a collaborative effort. It's about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination.
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
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I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
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When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.
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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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