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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.

Dane Cook

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TAGS & TOPICS

Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Comedy
Stand
Show
Shows
Able
Way
Trusts
Nobody

More quotes by Dane Cook

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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.
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You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
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I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
Dane Cook
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
Dane Cook
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A lot of comics are kind of vampire types we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.
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It really drives me banana sangwich.
Dane Cook
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You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.
Dane Cook
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I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
Dane Cook
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My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
Dane Cook
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I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
Dane Cook
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
Dane Cook
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
Dane Cook
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
Dane Cook
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I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
Dane Cook
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
Dane Cook
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
Dane Cook