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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Psychology
Awful
Early
Career
Careers
Thought
Always
Love

More quotes by Dane Cook

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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
Dane Cook
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There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
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Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
Dane Cook
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I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not all but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.
Dane Cook
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I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
Dane Cook
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You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
Dane Cook
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Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
Dane Cook
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You can't teach an old hater new truths.
Dane Cook
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I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
Dane Cook
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We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.
Dane Cook
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I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
Dane Cook
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
Dane Cook