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Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Christina
Hot
Notes
Sing
Comedy
More quotes by Dane Cook
Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...
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People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
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I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
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You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
Dane Cook
When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.
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You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.
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There's estrogen running through my veins!
Dane Cook
There were times, earlier in my career, where I didn't have the wherewithal to self-edit, and I probably said things and pushed the limits to places where people might be put off. But that's truly part of developing as an artist.
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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
Dane Cook
It really drives me banana sangwich.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
Dane Cook
Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
Dane Cook
I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
Dane Cook
My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
Dane Cook