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My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Lost
Nine
Away
Dad
Stole
Money
Mom
Betrayal
Folks
Jail
Worked
Immediately
Brother
Passed
Months
Horrible
Within
Cancer
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?
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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
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I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
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Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
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You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
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