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My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Lost
Nine
Away
Dad
Stole
Money
Mom
Betrayal
Folks
Jail
Worked
Immediately
Brother
Passed
Months
Horrible
Within
Cancer
More quotes by Dane Cook
I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.
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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
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When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
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Text a guy you like right now, I'm thinking about you. If he says, mmm are you in bed? Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
Dane Cook
They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
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It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
Dane Cook