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I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Snakes
Saws
Comedy
Funny
Wanted
Every
Always
Time
Snake

More quotes by Dane Cook

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Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
Dane Cook
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
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If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it's still a negative. You're just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.
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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
Dane Cook
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I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.
Dane Cook
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
Dane Cook
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Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.
Dane Cook
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I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance.
Dane Cook
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We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.
Dane Cook
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Are there glass shards in my anus?!
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
Dane Cook
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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
Dane Cook
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
Dane Cook
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There were times, earlier in my career, where I didn't have the wherewithal to self-edit, and I probably said things and pushed the limits to places where people might be put off. But that's truly part of developing as an artist.
Dane Cook
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
Dane Cook
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
Dane Cook
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Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it.
Dane Cook