Quote

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Would
Mike
Literally
Performing
Comedy
Lapel
Bring
Mats
Start
Gorilla
Littles
Gorillas
Little
Laundry

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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
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I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
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I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not all but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.
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I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
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I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
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We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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Text a guy you like right now, I'm thinking about you. If he says, mmm are you in bed? Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
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Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?
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If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and be your own self.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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