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I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Anything
Exceed
Benefit
Anymore
Expectations
Benefits
Anyone
Else

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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
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It really drives me banana sangwich.
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
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Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it's still a negative. You're just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
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