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I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Expectations
Benefits
Anyone
Else
Anything
Exceed
Benefit
Anymore

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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
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If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
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Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
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If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and be your own self.
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
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I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance.
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
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When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
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When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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