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I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.

Dane Cook

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TAGS & TOPICS

Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Benefit
Anymore
Expectations
Benefits
Anyone
Else
Anything
Exceed

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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
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Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.
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There's estrogen running through my veins!
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You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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You can't teach an old hater new truths.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
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