Quote

People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Smart
Comedy
Stand
People
Large
Perspective

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
Dana Gould
Image
When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
Dana Gould
Image
What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
Dana Gould
Image
Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
Dana Gould
Image
There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
Dana Gould
Image
What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
Dana Gould
Image
What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
Dana Gould
Image
If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana Gould
Image
They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
Dana Gould
Image
Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
Dana Gould
Image
A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
Dana Gould
Image
I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
Dana Gould
Image
My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
Dana Gould
Image
My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
Dana Gould
Image
Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
Dana Gould
Image
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
Dana Gould
Image
I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
Dana Gould
Image
My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
Dana Gould
Image
Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
Dana Gould
Image
Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould