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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Large
Perspective
Smart
Comedy
Stand
People

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
Dana Gould
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
Dana Gould
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
Dana Gould
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
Dana Gould
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
Dana Gould
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
Dana Gould
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
Dana Gould
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dana Gould
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
Dana Gould
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
Dana Gould
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
Dana Gould
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
Dana Gould
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
Dana Gould
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
Dana Gould
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
Dana Gould
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
Dana Gould
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
Dana Gould
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
Dana Gould
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
Dana Gould