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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Stand
People
Large
Perspective
Smart
Comedy

More quotes by Dana Gould

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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
Dana Gould
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
Dana Gould
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
Dana Gould
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
Dana Gould
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
Dana Gould
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
Dana Gould
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dana Gould
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
Dana Gould
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
Dana Gould
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
Dana Gould
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
Dana Gould
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
Dana Gould
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
Dana Gould
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
Dana Gould
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
Dana Gould
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
Dana Gould
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
Dana Gould
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
Dana Gould
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Dana Gould