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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Make
Jokes
Works
Times
Write
True
Better
Writing
Essentially
Really
Script

More quotes by Dana Gould

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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
Dana Gould
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
Dana Gould
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
Dana Gould
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
Dana Gould
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
Dana Gould
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
Dana Gould
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
Dana Gould
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
Dana Gould
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana Gould
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
Dana Gould
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould