Quote

I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Gump
Forrest
Comedy

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
Dana Gould
Image
Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
Dana Gould
Image
If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
Dana Gould
Image
Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
Image
My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
Dana Gould
Image
I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
Dana Gould
Image
Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould
Image
It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
Dana Gould
Image
As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
Dana Gould
Image
I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
Dana Gould
Image
Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
Dana Gould
Image
If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
Dana Gould
Image
Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
Dana Gould
Image
If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dana Gould
Image
Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
Dana Gould
Image
I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
Dana Gould
Image
You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
Dana Gould
Image
If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
Dana Gould
Image
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
Dana Gould
Image
Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
Dana Gould