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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Called
Bigs
Another
Lumped
Girlfriends
Exes
Neurotic
Girlfriend
Disappointment
More quotes by Dana Gould
What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
Dana Gould
I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould