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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Another
Lumped
Girlfriends
Exes
Neurotic
Girlfriend
Disappointment
Called
Bigs

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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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Competition is the death of art.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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