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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Devil
Leotards
Hell
Pitchfork
Went
Pitchforks
Fire
Cave
Thought
Caves
Really
Idiot
Would
Red
Exactly
More quotes by Dana Gould
There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
Dana Gould
There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
Dana Gould
The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
Dana Gould
Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
Dana Gould
Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
Dana Gould