Quote

What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Went
Pitchforks
Fire
Cave
Thought
Caves
Really
Idiot
Would
Red
Exactly
Devil
Leotards
Hell
Pitchfork

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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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