Quote

Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Dedicate
Life
Worked
Emotional
Issues
Hear
Free
Something
Ventriloquism
Never

More quotes by Dana Gould

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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
Dana Gould
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
Dana Gould
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
Dana Gould
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
Dana Gould
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
Dana Gould