Quote

Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Worked
Emotional
Issues
Hear
Free
Something
Never
Ventriloquism
Life
Dedicate

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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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