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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Free
Something
Never
Ventriloquism
Life
Dedicate
Worked
Emotional
Issues
Hear

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
Dana Gould
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Competition is the death of art.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould